Content...

con'tent/kənˈtɛnt/ Show Spelled[kuh-n-tent]

 - adjective

1.  Satisfied with what one is or has; not wanting more or anything else.

2.  British.  Agreeing; assenting.

3.  Archaic. Willing

 

Again, despite my promises, both to myself and the two or so readers I have left here, I have been quiet on the blogging front. Facebook has a way of sneaking up and taking over if you are not careful. I signed up with FB quite some time ago, mainly to see what the fuss was about...I fought it despite numerous friend requests and was then contacted by people from my "past"...enough to pique my curiousity again. I do like the immediacy of it, it's different to blogging, which is for me a longer and more thoughtful process, but still complementary somehow.

I'm yet to do Twitter...I just don't get it and don't think I ever will.

Was looking for a previous post on my blog yesterday and happened across a post/award which asked me to list the things that make me happy. I thought I'd link it here and ask again...

What Makes You Happy...??

In recent times I have been feeling very content and full with life here...nothing has perceptibly changed so I'm not sure what has brought this on but if I really think about it the following works for me...

• Life has been busy with kids sporting activities, school & friends...
• John & I have spent more time alone of late, he also seems very content too...
• Matilda & Myles are (for the most part) very easy teenagers...watching the adults that are emerging is an endless source of fascination to me...
• I have applied to begin a Bachelor of Midwifery at UQ (University of Queensland)...
• Our triplet grandchildren are 6 months old today and incredibly healthy and happy...as are their Mum, Dad & Brothers...
• I'm 52 kilos (114lbs for my US friends) lighter than this time last year...
• My kidney disease/function is resolving and my energy levels are improving...I haven't had a hospital visit in almost 4 months...

It's all good really...no, it's better than good, much better.

If you get a chance please pay a visit to Kel's Blog Taurus Rising. She has a great giveaway happening at the moment. Her new business The Ethicurean sells beautiful soft mesh and gauze fabric bags to carry your market produce home and let it breathe in...a wonderful way to do away with plastic...they are very stylish too. I'm hoping to be one of the lucky ones but am intending to purchase in the near future too. There aren't many entries at this point in time so your chances are good...winners announced tomorrow.

Might be time for a coffee now...lazy Sundays are just divine.

Recovering Slowly...

It's taking a while but I'm getting back on track...still have very little energy and have to be careful about conserving what I do have.

Saw my GP yesterday and my potassium levels have dropped again so have had to up my medication. They were up to (almost) the lower end of normal but for some unknown reason it has decreased. Have another blood test scheduled for Friday so we will see how things are going then. In the meantime I am craving (& eating lots of) foods rich in potassium...red meat, tomatoes, oranges, steamed potatoes (with skin on), avocado & tuna. In fact, I am ravenous and am craving protein...am eating 4-6 smaller meals a day. Probably just catching up.

Thanks for all of your comments and well wishes...I'm slowly catching up with all of your news. Not back at work until my potassium levels even out but am looking forward to a trip to Victoria next week (alone) to catch up with family & friends.

Lots of love...xoxo

Unwell...

Have been right out of action...

Last Saturday was day 8 of constant nausea, vomiting & diarrhoea (gone on far too long, could keep nothing down) and through the afternoon I had trouble with breathlessness and my heart rate was very fast & erratic so it was off in the ambulance to hospital. After some testing it was discovered my potassium levels were through my boots, normal range is 3.5 - 5.0 mEq/l, mine was 2.0 and later dropped to 1.6...more than low enough to cause a cardiac arrest.

There was also a specific cardiac enzyme called Troponin (which is an indicator of heart muscle damage) present in my blood, it indicated that my heart was under strain so that meant there was no chance of coming home. I had to be admitted for monitoring and I/V Potassium...had a total of 15 bags of the stuff and my levels aren't even in the normal range yet!!! I also had to have a series of Clexane (anticoagulant) injections before the PE was excluded so I am bruised & sore, my arms have bruises from wrist to elbow from the 4x daily blood tests...it's very attractive let me tell you.

There was also concern I had a Pulmonary Embolism but tests yesterday ruled that out (there had to be one that went my way)...the vomiting etc. has stopped and I am feeling much better in myself although have no energy whatsoever...just having a shower and washing my hair this morning took every scrap of energy I had, although I felt so much better for having done it.

I have John at home any time if needed and Matilda is home today cooking chicken soup, just what I need & desire. He has been amazing, just steps up and gets on with what needs to be done without a word of complaint, I'm a very lucky woman indeed.

Have to see my GP in the morning and work out a plan for the next week or so. Am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel now...I have lost almost 13kg (28lbs) but do not recommend doing it this way at all.

Hopefully will be back on deck soon & catching up with your news.

Yum...

Matilda and I baked Hot Cross/Easter Buns this afternoon...they are divine and I am seriously doubting we will ever go back to the bought ones. They do take a little effort and time but it's done in stages so you can get on with other (more tedious but unfortunately necessary) chores.

Oh delicious...
...the house smells divine, yeasty, toasty & fruity.

Here's the recipe we used. It calls for currants but as we aren't especially fond of them we substituted with sultanas & dried apricots in a 3:1 ratio. Next time I will add a little more fruit but will have to be careful not to bog the dough down with so much fruit that it doesn't rise well. Matilda & Myles would be keen to see some chocolate chips added but I'm not so sure, am a bit of a purist when it comes to traditional baking.

Was a lovely way to spend a Sunday afternoon indeed...

25 Years Ago...

I have been absent of late...this time of year is often difficult for me, I struggle with March & April, this year has been somewhat more difficult than usual but the fog is lifting, it always does. I will be around more often.

For those of you who know me, even those I am very close to, may not be aware of what I am about to tell you. I apologise sincerely for not having shared with you, please understand.

This is the abridged story...

I gave birth to a baby daughter when I was very young and was really in no position to raise a child at the time. For me the only option was to give her, with all my love, for adoption. I named this baby girl Jess, she/he was going to be Jess regardless of gender. She was born on 1st April, 1984, 25 years ago this week.

On her 18th birthday I made the decision to make my details available for her to find me if she wanted and began the process to get things underway. Some time later I made contact with her adoptive family but the news was sad, devastating.

Jess died two weeks short of her 1st birthday, 15th March, 1985 - SIDS was the cause, or not as the case may be, given that SIDS is a diagnosis of exclusion. I was utterly gutted...all those years of imagining a dark curly haired little girl grow into a young woman, the possibility of one day meeting and knowing her...just gone. Her little life cut short. I've met her adoptive family...as it happened they used to live reasonably close to me when I lived in Victoria. They named her Jessica Katherine and called her Jess or Jessie, they were told of the name I had given her. They are lovely people who obviously adored her, it is very apparent she had a beautiful life with them. The day I received this terrible news was 10th March, 2003...it's a day I have a hard time with, harder than the anniversary of her death. I guess it's the day she "died" for me.

March is a month of contradictions...Jess's death anniversaries and then there is Matilda's birthday between them, 12th March...my birthday is 25th March and then Jess's birthday on 1st April, the same day as my youngest sister's, her birthday celebrations have always been difficult for me.

This year she would have turned 25, how the fuck did all those years just pass me by..?? No-one remembered her death day and only a small group of special friends remembered her birthday. Not many people in my life know of her existence, I am only just "coming out" and telling friends, it has been very difficult I have seen a grief counsellor, intensely in the beginning but rarely now. I am part of an online Forum for bereaved parents at The MISS Foundation. I volunteer at MISS as an Administrator/Moderator and have met an amazing group of people there...women I have never met face to face have become my dearest friends, I am safe there and it's one of the few places I can be Jess's mother.

So there you have it...I apologise most sincerely to those of you who know me well...I have had this huge secret for many years, it feels good to have it out in the open. There have been some people I have let in but very few, my family only learned about Jess last year.

Will share more as time passes, this has been a difficult post to write but I am lighter for having done so.

With love...

Extreme Sheep...

I haven't been around much of late, for a number of reasons really...been a bit busy, a bit unwell, a bit down, a bit lost for ideas...

I have a couple of posts I am working on and should be up in the next couple of days but thought I'd post this video I received by email today. It's just brilliant. We happen to really love Sheep Dog Trials in our household and have been to watch them on more than one occasion...this really made me sit up and take notice...the way these people work with the dogs is nothing short of incredible.

Oops...

Had a bit of a sleep in yesterday morning, being Sunday and all. I got up around 9ish and realised I didn't have any of my usual medication left.

Sunday was hot here, I chose a cool, floaty skirt to wear. After my shower I headed off to the Pharmacy, put my script in and had a wander around the shop while I was waiting for them to make it up.

Then it dawned on me...

I had forgotten to put knickers on...!!!

It wasn't intentional, there weren't any in my drawer that I liked to wear so I dressed and was going to get some off the clothesline.

I just forgot, got distracted and it slipped my mind. I wandered around the shop, grinning to myself, anyone looking on would have thought I was a bit of a loon. When I left the shop I made sure the breeze didn't get hold of my skirt.

I came home and told John, he found it highly amusing, titillating even...Matilda wasn't so impressed, quite mortified was her response in fact...she rolled her eyes and shook her head.

How terribly embarrassing for her...

Please also remember my first giveaway...here. It will be drawn next Friday 6th March.

Five Questions...

I have taken part in a Meme with a difference...

Ian from Single Parent Dad "interviewed" me and here are his questions and my answers

1. Your partner was widowed, did this make you more or less reluctant to get into a relationship with him?

Hmmm, something I have never really thought about really. I was looking for a man who understood what it was like to be a sole parent, preferably 24/7 and not the every second weekend variety. John speaks of his wife with warmth and compassion and doesn't put her on a pedestal or eulogise her. I really like that. He speaks of her from time to time, never inappropriately and if I have any questions I am able to ask and have them answered. I was also glad that I wasn't the first woman John had been involved with after Dianne died. He and the boys all grieve in different ways, he for the partner and mother of his children, Josh had her in his life for 10 years and remembers her very well, Myles was very young when she died and doesn't really remember her at all. He says he sometimes does but isn't sure whether they are real memories or whether he has constructed them from what people have told him and photographs.

I guess the answer to this question is neither, not more or less reluctant, he was just the right man to come my way.


2. Will you be spending any part of Christmas day on the beach?

Quite possibly, yes...the forecast for Christmas Day here is 31C (that's 88F). We live very close to the beach and spend a bit of time there. It depends on how sleepy we all are after Christmas lunch...I always love a siesta afterwards. We have a swimming pool so that may suffice but a beach walk would be great too.

3. Who is your money on for the 2009 Ashes?

I barrack for anyone but Australia in any cricket match they play. They are far too smug and superior and I love to see them beaten. So I guess my money is on England, especially at home.

4. How frightened were you of your recent back surgery and have you been righted?

Truthfully...I was terrified. In fact my blood pressure was rather high on the morning of surgery. There were hours of waiting around before going into theatre which made it even more anxiety ridden. I was never so glad to get onto the operating table and be put under anaesthetic as I was that day, such a relief. It was good to wake up, even better to feel that there was no pain, burning or numbness in my legs and feet...there had been for the last 18 months.

The surgery has been successful, although today I have been having a bit of back pain but probably because I have been overdoing it...I need anti-inflammatory medication and rest. The surgeon tells me that it will take 6-9 months for the fusion to set completely and that I can expect some intermittent pain so until then I can't make a definitive statement about it's success but it's looking good thus far.

5. What was the last thing to genuinely make you laugh out loud?

Our cats...we have two lunatic Burmese cats, Leo & Flynn...one chocolate brown and the other red. They get along incredibly well for two unrelated male cats that were thrust together. Every morning there's a huge bout of rough & tumble...always guaranteed to raise a belly laugh.


Want to be part of it?

Follow these instructions:

1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."

2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.

3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.

4. You will include this explanation, a link to this post and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.

5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Just Being...

Yesterday morning Matilda and I had to be out of the house early to get her to a Cheerleading display she was participating in. After dropping her off I went in search of coffee and the newspaper and a quiet, shady spot to spend an hour or so reading. I found a beautiful park, sat in the shade and wound the car windows down so the breeze would waft through...put a favourite CD on and just drifted for a while.

After she was finished I wasn't ready to go home, wanted more of that relaxed time I had spent alone so we headed to Kangaroo Point Cliffs...right on the Brisbane River. The City of Brisbane has set up this public space to be used by the community for rock climbing and abseiling. I guess they figured that people would use it anyway, they just made it more attractive and much safer by adapting the top of the cliffs. I really love the positive development of this public space.


The view from this part of the river in both directions is spectacular, to the east there is the city and Storey Bridge, to the west there is South Bank, the new Brisbane Star Observation Wheel and GoMA (the Gallery of Modern Art). We found a seat just for two in the shade and just sat and watched the world pass by on the river. CityCats passed every 10 minutes or so, I love that Brisbane uses it's waterway as a means of public transport that costs very little to use (Melbourne could certainly learn a lesson or two here), the trip from the University of Queensland to Brett's Wharf is a fantastic way to spend an hour or two, you can get on and off as you wish...there are a number of beautiful parks along the route as well as the Powerhouse Arts Complex...it has a great cafe overlooking the river and lots of fun, free activities for children.

We didn't venture down the steps right to the river, sculpture gardens and maze...I'm not quite up to that many steps yet, 3-4 is my limit at present but that's improving all the time. We just sat, chatted and let the river breeze pass us by...we also took some "Thelma & Louise" style photos with my phone, a moment or two of silliness...we'd wave to the CityCat passengers just to see how many would wave back. I'd post the pics but cannot for the life of me find the software that I need to install before I can upload them to the PC.


I really enjoy the time Matilda and I spent together away from the rest of the family...there was just the two of us for almost 13 years and we did so much together. I think it's important to find time to spend like that. We don't have to "do" anything, we spent far too much time "doing" and not enough time just "being". We couldn't have done it if Myles were with us yesterday, he wouldn't have had the patience to just sit...he'd have had to have been up and down the steps, climbing the huge Moreton Bay Fig behind us or just wanting to get going. It made it an even more special time for Matilda and I...she gets just being.

Smile...

I have just been to the best dental practice ever. I have been quite dentist phobic (and not just about the costs involved) since I had some teeth removed when I was about eight...I can still feel the dental nurse sitting across me in the chair, pinning down my arms and legs while the dentist was administering the anaesthetic, I recall screaming blue murder and thrashing around. Waking up after the procedure was just awful, I was bleeding profusely all over my brand new (for my birthday) yellow polo neck jumper. I still need 5mg of valium to even make the appointment. I researched and found this practice online yesterday and their website looked great so bit the bullet. I had a dreadful toothache as a piece of a wisdom tooth fractured when I was intubated for my spinal surgery. There was some decay under the fracture which is why it broke so easily.

The dentists and staff at this clinic are all middle aged women, around my age and older, every one of them. The dentist was so gentle, took a great deal of time, also took many photos which I could see immediately and explained everything to me as she examined me. There was also television on the ceiling, I could choose what I wanted to watch and opted for the fish tank DVD...!!! I chose to have the wisdom tooth removed and she did it there and then. Had it been an ordinary molar I would have had the root canal. The dentist felt it was the best thing to do as the decay had crept under the filling and gone below the gum line.

It was such a positive experience for me that I am now going ahead with a series have a series of treatments in the new year to replace my amalgam fillings with white ones and have my teeth whitened a bit, it's nowhere near as expensive as I thought it would be but I will wait until I am working before I have it done given it's elective.

It feels great to have been so courageous...I really think I may be able to conquer this phobia...how good would that be...???

Not For The Squeamish...

As promised, actually threatened may be a better choice of word here, I have photos of my scar. Matilda took them a few days ago, I was quite desperate to see what it looked like...everyone had seen it but me. I can't see it in the mirror, not allowed to twist...my hips and shoulders are to stay aligned at all times.

So...especially for Kel...


Be warned...


Proceed no further if you are squeamish...


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Last chance now...


Pretty ugly really (the right side of the photo is the base of my spine)...it's a little red in places but healing well otherwise. A few of the staples are starting to fall out. Come Monday afternoon they will all be out. The itchiness is driving me crazy...I just want to rip at it...tonight I sat under the cool shower and let the water do it's thing, was bliss.

This evening I am feeling really good. I'm almost certain that the "tummy bug" I had was a reaction to the Heparin I was on. It started just on 24 hours after I began it...I was on it for a week and finished yesterday morning. Interestingly this morning I felt better than I had for a week and over the course of the day my energy levels have picked up enormously, it has now been 36 hours since I completed the course. My taste buds are recovering too, everything had a really musty taste, milk tasted "mushroomy"...ugh...!!! Was chatting to my Mum this afternoon and she said that after some major surgery earlier this year her taste buds went haywire while she was on Warfarin, another anticoagulant drug.

Coincidence...?? Am thinking not.

Anyway, I thoroughly loved my chicken soup that Matilda made today, bless her soul. She was so proud of herself. It was really, really good too, not just saying that because I am her Mum. She worked hard today, tidied, cleaned her room, changed the cat litter box, did all of her washing, brought ours in, emptied the dishwasher, went to the supermarket and pharmacy for me, cleaned & dressed my wound and all manner of little chores & errands for me. Am much more relaxed about it all tonight.

Looking forward to a gentle weekend here. Matilda has a busy schedule with five Cheerleading concerts. Her own concert is Sunday morning but they are showcasing the Cheerleaders this year and asked them to perform at all five concerts so we need to be there at 10.30am & 5pm tomorrow and Sunday. Looking forward to Sunday's concert though, her team does all of it's routines then.

Whatever you all get up tp, I hope it's with people who love & care for you...

Home Again...

Thanks so much for your well wishes, prayers and kind thoughts...the surgery itself went really well, it was complex and took longer than expected but due to the great painkillers I really didn't feel a lot of pain at all.

Have had a couple of recovery setbacks though...firstly on day 1 & 2 when they tried to get me out of bed I had a vaso-vagal reaction and spectacularly fainted in the shower...thankfully I was on a shower chair at the time and didn't hit the floor. Frightened the crap out of the poor student nurse though who thought she was going to have to call her first Code Blue.

On Friday I was having a great day until after lunch when I felt quite ill...turns out I picked up a gastro bug in the hospital, just beautiful...vomiting and diarrhoea since then...actually today is quite a bit better, I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I have a residual problem with depleted blood volume though which has left me with palpitations, shortness of breath and light headedness. It started two days into the vomiting but is improving slowly though.

Have come come on Heparin which I have to inject, three more days of that to go.

Wound photos to follow...have to get Matilda to take a pic...I'm yet to see it but know I have at least 23 staples in it...!!!

Is Dr. Ross In The House...???

Today is surgery day, yesterday was long, much longer than I would have liked but the evening was gentle & calm. In the end I was far happier home with John and the kids than I would have been alone in hospital.

Cannot sleep, it's just after 4am here...decided to get up and catch up with some email before signing out for at least a week, more like two. I was talking with my Mum last night and she asked if I had given much thought to what will happen post-surgery. Um, a big no really...I can't think past today yet other than I have made plans for my family while I am absent. As long as they give me good drugs I will be just fine...I'll be taking anything on offer...the surgeon & anaesthetist have promised me great drugs. Gotta love them...even if they aren't as gorgeous as George...!!!

Thank you all for your kind thoughts, emails & messages, they mean a great deal to me. Think of me in 3 hours time, I will be so grateful to be finally going under the anaesthetic.

Will post as soon as I can...xoxo

This Barely Counts...

Today is a crappy, sucky pain day...almost no sleep last night, cannot get comfortable standing, sitting or lying.

Heading to my doctor for strong pain meds soon...hopefully this will help.

It barely counts as a post for NaBloPoMo...

All Tarted Up...

Was feeling so blah yesterday...in need of some indulgence and a pick me up so booked myself in for a haircut today. This morning I was still feeling blah and almost cancelled but am glad I didn't.

While having my hair washed (I so love someone washing my hair for me) I was talking to the young apprentice at the salon about her training. She was telling me she now was able to do waxing and eyelash tinting.

Sooooo...

I thought, what the hell and had both done. I have never had my eyelashes tinted before and it was quite an experience. Had to sit with my eyes shut for almost 15 minutes, much harder than it I would have thought. I had my iPod with me and plugged in to one of my podcasts so the time passed quickly. She then waxed my brows...I have very few brows, quite light considering my hair is almost black but it feels good to have them tidied up. Mind you, it hurts like hell, I just cannot imagine having large areas waxed...the pain...I'd need a general anaesthetic...!!! The cost of both "beauty" treatments...??? A mere $16.50.

I left the salon feeling pretty good...now for somewhere to go out...!!!